Launching or Hindering?

As we look around at a huge cluster of 20-somethings still living at home, most want to throw out inflation as their reason. I kept scratching my head wondering why anyone over the age of 20 would want to still be living at home. As I was growing up, I couldn't wait to be on my own. But, my parents also enforced rules in our home. We weren't allowed to just live recklessly or not carry our weight in financial obligations after 18. So now, as I talk to this cluster of adults (yes they are adults whether they or their parents admit it or not) I now see why they'd never want to leave. Many, not all but many, have very few responsibilities as far as finances go. They aren't paying rent, they aren't covering their portion of utilities, and quite a few aren't even picking up their own grocery bills. In addition to that, most have no accountability either. Mom still takes care of the laundry, meal prepping, cleaning, you name it. So, while these adults want to blame inflation and interest rates, it really may be a lack of accountability getting in their way of an independent future. They will always find something to blame simply because nothing has ever been their issue to worry about. And we are failing this whole group of adults my friends. They have no clue how to be adults. They were never prepared for the real world because they have been catered to and cradled and never faced a serious consequence in their life.

Now, I know in some cultures it is normal for 3 or 4 generations to all live together. But in those cultures, there is a regular time when the responsibility and financial burdens are passed to the younger generation so that THEY take care of their parents, not their parents take care of them up until their last breath. I don't think that is at all what we are seeing in America.

We as parents are not doing our job that God entrusted us with if we are not preparing our kids to take on their responsibilities. If you have a 20 something at home and you aren't charging them rent, they should at the very least be putting 600-1200 per month (average rent/house payment in my state is currently is $1020) in their savings account to have a down payment on a house in the next couple years. You should all be on the same page with a timeline of when they should be ready to find their own place. Nothing changes if we keep living the same toxic cycles day after day. and you need a plan in place. They should be covering their utilities & food at this point, no question. Once they have to pay their own electric bill you won't have to follow behind them shutting off every light switch like you are now. And for those who are blowing all their money on horrible habits, if they are covering their expenses they may just start to give up some of those bad habits. You're literally giving the poison to them if you are covering all their bills while they live the high life.

I hear so many parents talk about how "it'd be nice" if they moved out, but they aren't taking a single step in actually putting that into action. In all reality I think these parents are trying to just hold on to the security blanket of their kids so they still feel some sense of control in their lives.

So what else are parents hindering when they don't encourage their children to launch? I personally think we are hindering salvation. Until we are at the end of ourselves, we won't admit that we need a savior in Jesus Christ. And parents, you may think you're being the hero here on earth by not letting your kids feel the hurt and pressures of being on their own. But you can't be their hero in eternity. There is only one Way to the Father and if your kids never recognize their need for Jesus and surrender to him completely, they won't get to be with you in eternity. There are many scriptures about raising our children, discipline, and obedience. So many of us want to throw the "obey thy father and thy mother" at our kids, but we ourselves don't want to walk a truly obedient and pleasing to God life as their example. But thankfully, as long as there is breath in our lungs and theirs, we are all just one step away from turning to God and letting him take over. It's never too late to implement some boundaries. It's never too late to consistently enforce some rules and consequences. We aren't acting out of love if we aren't training them up for the race ahead, we are acting out of our own (or falling into their) habits of manipulation and I think sometimes we just need to call it out so that it can't keep wreaking havoc in our families and our nation.

As I continue on with this blog, I know some of my posts may ruffle some feathers. You may get red-faced just reading it and want to call me up or blow up my inbox with your arguments against what I've said and I'm okay with that. But, I do just want to ask you to first simmer on it. Pray about it. If you feel personally attacked by it, is there something that maybe God wanted you to read and reflect on? I don't post anything with my fingers pointed in condemnation. I post it all with the hope and prayer that maybe it's the lightbulb moment you needed to finally make some changes and disrupt the toxic cycles you and I have lived in for far too long. I have had many of those moments in the past couple years and I'm sure God will keep showing me more and more things I need to improve on to help my family live the way He intended for us to live. I hope you'll hear every word I type with grace, encouragement, and hope for your family as well.❤